31 Jul You’re Behind?
Do you ever feel as if you’re late? I don’t mean as in you’re having a pregnancy scare or your midterm paper is due and you forgot…or even Atlanta traffic kind of late. I’m talking about behind in life late.
You know…when you {mindlessly} and {against better judgment} scroll through Facebook and play the “Oh, he just got a promotion!” “Baby number three!!? Damn.” Or “Now they’re even getting married!!? …I’m going to die alone.” Or “Wow…that’s a nice car. Someone is making the big bucks now!?” game!?
No? You’ve never played that game. …well if you ever decide to, you will find yourself in a negative, panic of death-grip spiral where your life suddenly loses color and nothing, no, nothing can convince you that your life might actually have meaning and purpose as well.
I don’t recommend it.
My guess is that many of us have been there. It’s easy to do.
I informed my mom that Birkenstocks were making a come back this morning. [Can we all please pause and bow our heads in shameful, excited, and confused reverence that the Birk is back!!? …moving on.] Side note: I only know this because I saw an Instagram picture with new Birks in it and since IG is the Mecca of fashion and all things in the know I realized I was missing something. My new {charming} gay friend informed me that, yes, indeed the Birk is back. It’s been slowly making it’s return for the past two years or so. If only I were so cool as to know these things ahead of time. Thanks, IG, for the update.
Anyways. Mother dearest’s response was, “dang, em, you must be getting old to start seeing things come back around.” Classic. I quickly retorted something witty about my age not bothering me and that the Birk and I were tight and I, thus, had nothing to worry about.
And it’s true. My age has never bothered me. Feeling {emotionally} like a 50 year old woman in sixth grade sort of puts age in a different category than many. Maybe when I actually am numerically 50 things will make sense in the world. {I’m not counting on it though.}
And while it is true that my age doesn’t bother me, I can’t help but sometimes allow fear {and–let’s be honest–the media} tell me I’m freaking behind! Life is racing forward and I’m losing!!!
I need to be thinner, prettier, fitter, faster, more diligent, more self-disciplined, richer, with a bigger savings account, and also a new car–like every year. And I need to find the “right” man, be (prettier, fitter, smarter, charming-er, confident, but not too confident, and overall damn together) enough to make him fall in love with me, and get married before my ovaries turn in their notices, withdraw into my body, put padlocks on the doors, buy margaritas, retire, and refuse to come out and do their job appropriately! Time is of the essence, people, and apparently I’m twiddling my thumbs every damn day…because I can’t keep up.
Ever feel that way?
I do. And I noticed it this morning in my yoga practice. I’ve been a little homesick lately. (I’ve come to the realization that I came out here running away from something only to run right smack dab into it (him) head on, full force, right in the face without even realizing it. But since I was running…I’m away from home and all of my comforts. It’s fun.
This morning as I was trying to “be present”–the slogan on an instructors shirt yesterday–my mind was as “present” as a 4 year old at a circus with two fist fulls of cotton candy. Hence, distracted, scattered, lost, wandering….gone.
It was because I was planning: planning the day, planning tomorrow, planning what I’ll do in Portland, in New York, trying to figure out my job situation. Girl’s gotta work shit out.
What’s that cheesy slogan…”life is what happens when you’re busy making plans…?”
I think that’s it. And in it’s own cheesy, refrigerator magnet kind of way it is true.
The most important lesson yoga is teaching me {and my ego} is that we are each on our own, individual, unique journey. Each with it’s own lessons, values, pit stops, priceless moments, glory, and awesomeness along the way. You can’t cookie cut life’s goodness.
You also will not find life in the future or in the past. The greatest thing you can do for yourself, your life, and your future hopes and dreams {and plans} is to live now. Right now.
I do not have a recipe on how exactly to do this…but when I find the magic potion I’ll let you know. Until then…it’s just practice. It’s raw determination to not allow life to simply pass you by while you’re coveting someone else’s “computer screen” life.
There is a line in an extraordinarily lame and awesome chick flick from years ago that goes {approximately}, “Everyone is someone’s Tad Hamilton…” And it simply means that everyone is somebody’s someone. So while you’re wishing, hoping, praying that your life looked like someone else’s, someone else is wishing, hoping, praying for yours.
So do yourself a favor…and live and enjoy your life. Now. What could you possibly lose?
Better yet…what could you possibly gain?
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“Your past doesn’t actually exist. What you think is your past is a tiny blip of electricity in your brain happening right now. And if that’s happening now, what’s actually happening right now isn’t really happening for you at all. This is what it is meant when people say, “live in the present.”
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