Wishing & Hoping & Thinking & Praying

{If you can finish the line of that lyric in the title and name the movie it is from–you win a prize.}

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I want to know how you’re showing up in your world. How are you being seen? What are you doing to love big yourself and the world around you? What does that mean? …I’m so glad you asked.

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The other day I had the opportunity to spontaneously visit a friend. She is one of my most favorite people in the whole wide world. I adore her. She has the sweetest spirit and loves Jesus in a deep and meaningful way. He isn’t just a Sunday check mark to her and her family. She and her husband, who is equally magnificent, (and gives hope for the male species) raise their children upon principles such “be kind and loving to each other.” Amazingly good stuff, yes?

I walked out her front door with a big fat smile on my face and an ache in my stomach.

“This is what I thought I was signing up for.” Pain and sadness rage within me as I ache for the home overflowing with the love of my own family and the acknowledgement that this is not my reality.

Later, I meet up with friends for hours of crying and laughter over a card game until 2am. Single people. That’s what we are. And I roll in the floor laughing with my heart overwhelmed with gratitude for this little circle of people who are on this journey with me.

The next day I spend hours on the phone with friends. One crying over a divorce gone terribly awry. “I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

For a moment my heart turns bitter and I think, “See…no one is trustworthy. People simply can’t be trusted.”

I go to my favorite yoga studio. I sweat out all of the toxins and feel lighter. I feel lighter until I walk out and covet all of the things that I can’t have. What kind of yogi doesn’t have the cool $90/pair leggings or carry the made-for-yoga yoga bag?

“I’m a phony. I am so not cool.”

Then another friend calls, “This just always seems to happen. What am I doing to attract the wrong guys?”

I listen to her heart ache at the longing unfulfilled…and I wonder…”what is this really all about? Is this worth it? All of this striving?”

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Last weekend I spent two days with a room filled with women who could not have been more different. A stay-at-home mom who feels guilty for wanting “more” in her life. A thirty-something who can’t shake the words of her mother who have somehow convinced her she is unworthy. A psychologist who has all the answers for her clients but is alone and insecure outside of the office. A sixty-something who is just beginning to give herself permission to make her own rules in life and not live by those of others.

We spent two days sharing some of our deepest insecurities. It was amazing the amount of courage pouring out of that conference room.

We all had lies we believed. Some believed we were fat, others insignificant, some defective, broken, lost, and, plainly, not good enough. 

It took a lot of courage to show up and be honest with where we were. In the same way that it took courage for any of my friends to confess where they truly are. 

We all have past wounds. No one makes it through life unscathed. No one doesn’t [yes I am using a double negative] have moments when they compare themselves to others and think, “they have got “it” and I do not.”

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Love. It’s the one answer I can come up with that makes “this” all worth it. Love of yourself. Love for where you are…that includes acceptance for where you are not. 

In a recent Relevant article Andy Gill writes, “We choose between fearing and risking, performing and truly living, embracing a time of controlled loneliness and being content with the mundane. And here’s where the beauty of the Gospel comes in: It gives us permission to be imperfect, to be vulnerable, to simply embrace who we truly are and that we are accepted as we are.

Being present to this moment, this current season, this painful circumstance requires love, grace, vulnerability, and acceptance of yourself. 

{And…a decrease in comparison to others’ circumstances, lives, bodies, abilities, material possessions, etc.}

I challenge you this weekend to show up and be seen where you are. Be brave in loving those around you whether it’s your husband, your mom, or your best friend. Eventually we must give up the longing (not the dreaming) but the longing for something different. Life ebbs and flows as it comes. There is no life in the future or the past. It is only right here in this present moment. {Note: I am not saying that making plans for the future or putting in motion ways to improve your life or chase your dreams is a bad thing. That is not what I am saying. Doing those things in place of cherishing the present moment though, longing for the future or past while the present is right in front of you…that’s what I am talking about.}

How will you show up in this moment, this pain, this circumstance, this disappointment, this beauty? 

You are magnificent. You are strong. You are brave. You are imperfectly perfect. You have a beautiful, unique, meaningful journey. 

Will you love in this moment?