17 Jul {un}hitched
Somewhere along the way something has gone terribly awry. Somewhere, somehow, for some people…worthiness got hitched to relationship status.
I know. It’s crazy talk. No one does that anymore. What are we even doing here? Why are we talking about this?
Why? Because I keep having these same conversations with girls & women where their words & stories tell this same story.
Worthiness is inextricably linked to relationship status. And it is just crap.
If I could, I would take an international tour. I would carry a 1980’s boom box around on my shoulders playing anthems like Katy Perry’s “Roar” and P!nk’s “F***ing Perfect.” I would super glue a mic to my cheek so that I could proclaim this message:
You are so much freaking more than your relationship status. Your loneliness tells you something, but that something is not that “you are unworthy.” Your loneliness tells you that you were designed for community, you innately need belonging & intimacy. And, YES, that can be in the form of a partner, but it has no impact on the thing you are designed to do for this world, the legacy you will leave, how relevant you are to culture, and how much significance you bring to your family reunion. Your worth, your sha-bang does not walk in a 6’2” music-loving, skinny jean wearing, Jesus loving, boxing toned body. It just doesn’t. (Unless, of course, you are a 6’2” music-loving, skinny jean wearing, Jesus loving, boxing toned body–then you are carting around a whole lot of worth in that bod of yours.)
I think today I am talking less to the single people…and more to the families and friends of the single people.
Ahem.
Dear family & friends of The Singles,
Stop trying to set us up. (Unless, of course, we have asked you too.) Stop asking about our relational endeavors. Stop assuming that we’re unhappy. By doing this you are sending the unspoken message that somehow we are incomplete, we are broken because we are a party of one. We are not “just” a party of one. We are a whole, God-breathed, awesome package of purpose. We are using our ample amounts of time (the time that isn’t centered around another person who consumes our emotional energy or little people who are literally trekking around with whole chunks of our hearts outside of our bodies). We are using this time for purpose. We are chasing after God’s heart. And that’s all that freaking matters. We may–or may not–be praying, hoping, believing for a person to put some attention and emotional energy into. But unless we’ve invited you in–that’s between us & God.
[Have we written this letter before?]
Life is great, even if we sense there is something missing. We recognize that we were created for community and we (hopefully) have created a beautiful, brilliant community of people that love us. [Single people, if this is not true. Stop everything and get on this. I cannot stress the importance of inviting others into your world. It matters.] Please stop asking if we’re dating. Please stop saying you “know someone.” Every time we tell a story about a pleasant encounter we had with a stranger, do not assume or hope that it’s a single, handsome/gorgeous, prince(ss) charming waiting to complete our story. Our story is both complete and a work in progress. We humbly ask that you ask about our hearts, what are we doing with our passions, how are we chasing after our Creator? We know His plan is better than ours and we’re trusting in that. We kindly ask that you join us.
Humbly & sincerely,
The Singles.
Singles…if I have out spoken for you incorrectly, then do not forward this to any of your friends or family members. If, however, you have recently found yourself allowing that sneaky emotion of loneliness to whisper the lie that you’re running out of time, you’re “the only one,” you’re being left behind, or that you’re just not good enough…for the sake of all things good and holy do two things:
a. share it with someone you trust who can gently smack that out of you &
b. let that ish go. It’s crap. It’s whispers of the enemy (and he’s an asshole. And we don’t build our actions around the lies of assholes.)
You are awesome. I see you changing the world, The Singles, & I think you’re amazing. Your impact is huge. Do not allow the fact that our silly society is a little confused on where we “fit in” over shadow the fact that you fit exactly where you are–in the palm of the God who holds the stars. He holds you, your heart, your future (and your future relationship status). It’s a great place to be. Let’s hang out here, together.
Single & lovely.
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