Unclear Clarity

01 Apr Unclear Clarity

Tonight…I am overcome by some truth that only becomes more difficult to comprehend the more I begin to grasp it.

For the record: Let me just say that I cannot imagine my life without God, my Jesus, or the Holy Spirit.

That’s right. I cannot imagine my existence, my being, or any other fiber of this universe with out the triune God.

Does that make you uncomfortable?

It’s okay if it does…and you don’t have to agree. I am not attempting to push my thoughts, opinions, or beliefs on anyone here. (Although they are true, but…no need for debate.)

This is simply to stop for a moment and say, “Wow.”

…wait, pause…

“My dear, God…how can this be possible?”

How could it be possible that we are loved? How can you look at this world and still love? How can you feel the pain we feel, know the mistakes we will make, see the pain we will cause, recognize the destruction before it happens, know that the current state we are in is because we chose to be selfish, stupid, unwise, pleasure-seeking, scared, untrustworthy, unconcerned or just mean…and still love?

We chose. And We choose. Everyday.

And He even gave us choice.

He allows us to choose. He allowed us to choose in the very beginning.

He already knew what would be best. He wanted to give that to us, yet let us choose.

(This is where I would say…if I were God I would…And that would be an incredibly absurd and stupid statement to make because, let’s be real, if I were God then I would be God and I would choose the best possible option and that’s what I would do because I would be God, so likely I would do what God did, if I were God. Because if I were God I would no longer be Emily and would, thus…be much more wiser and bigger and all-knowing. Just so we’re clear on that…) Anyways…

So God gave us the gift of choice…all the while knowing He is our best choice and hoping we would do what is best for us but never forcing that upon us.

[Side note: This blog cannot possibly hold all of the thoughts that are swirling in my head right now…fighting their way to the surface. If they could all come out in a perfectly, single-file line then this would be eloquent, flowing, and beautiful…but alas, I can make no guarantees…bear with me.]

So God created his Masterpiece…that is the entire universe! And into that brilliantly composed orchestra of the most magnificent painting you’ve ever seen there we are…a dot.

We are a dot in His great big masterpiece…the purpose of said dot? Or…equally important, the purpose of the masterpiece as a whole?

To glorify God. To sing his praises.

And we ruined it…like a two year old in a room full of glass. Or a muddy dog where only white lives.

He smudged the art. WE…me…you…Adam…Eve…We put a big black hand print on the colorful and perfect work of God.

Yet…He saved it. He restored it. He redeemed it. He saved us. He restored us. He redeemed us.

His name…tattooed to the sole of my foot…because I belong to someone. I was bought. For a price. And not at a hand-me-down price, not at a secondhand rate, not for a bargain…the price for me…was a life. The life of the only perfect being. God himself…in Jesus Christ…lived…to die…to live…to give you and me life.

Why?

This is where my thoughts come streaming back in…”Why God? Why would you do that? We’re so clearly not worth it? The bad ones are bad. The good ones think they’re good when they’re equally just as bad. The indifferent don’t know any better and are still bad. Yet you love. You choose to love? How can that be so? Why? You don’t seem like the kind of God who is a glutton for punishment? Do you like being disappointed? Do you like being rejected? Do you like watching the ones you love continuously let you down? Let themselves down. Hurt you. Hurt themselves. And hurt others in the process? I can’t figure out why you would even like us…much less love us…and even less love us enough to die.” And God responds,

“My ways are not your ways…and my thoughts are not your thoughts.”

I love because I love because I love because I love.

I love you because I love you because I love you because I love you.

Excuse me, dear friend, do you know what to do with that?
Can you fathom that? LOVE that requires nothing?
Love that is yours before you were ever formed.
Does your brain register that?

Mine doesn’t.

My brain wants to keep asking questions so that I can get answers so I can figure it out…and God says,

Please hear my heart in understanding that I am in no way undermining anything that anyone is going through to say “Be happy…all you need is Jesus and you’ll be good to go!” Because pain is real and pain hurts…but I am saying that pain leads to something more. Pain leads to new beginnings and growth. (If this is where you would like to call me naive and young, feel free. I may very well be just those two things. But if there is one thing that I know I know…it is that I know I am discovering my God. So I know that I know pain is real and God uses pain.)

My sister’s door has a post-it on it that says “Faith is what you believe, not what you know.”

According to my dictionary belief is “confidence in the truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof” and knowledge is “acquaintance or familiarity gained by sight, experience, or report.”

Although, I generally agree with the statement on my sister’s door I must say…I have experience and know my God. I believe…but I have also felt my God. 

I am almost positive that the “know” of this statement refers to those who have a lot of knowledge of theology and biblical principles, but seem to be void of the practical application of said principles (just based on what I know of my lil sis)…and with this I must agree.

The only hope for us…well (I will only speak for myself), for my life is the hope and belief, and faith in Jesus Christ, my Heavenly Father, and His sweet Spirit.

Otherwise…what is there? A bunch of matter that is neither created or destroyed but just bumping around, changing, accommodating, and then dying? I don’t know.

But I do know…You and I are loved…because we are loved. Because we are loved.