Speed..

This is my favorite kind of sky.

I spent all day Friday night and Saturday in side four thick, cement walls…completely missing this beauty.

Why you ask? Well as part of one of my many jobs I had to do some more training.

This week I covered CPR (again), Healthy Lifestyle Principles, and Foundations of Group X. Needless to say I missed this sky. 

The past couple of weekends have left me in a very contemplative mood. As my days get busier and my schedule becomes fuller I have to wonder…why am I really doing all of this?

Why am I pushing so hard? What am I striving so hard for? Who is it to impress? Is anyone benefiting from this fast track life I’m on?

I would like to say that I am. Because I am loving it. I am going to school, getting a Master’s degree–not something everyone gets to do. I am able to teach Zumba, something that is an energy release and healthy thing for me to do. [I’m interrupting these musings for a news update: Next Friday is my last day at Starbucks! Wahooeee! I am very excited to be moving on to other, more healthy positions of employment.] 

I am going to be getting to earn money by playing and taking care of some precious little children. I still have some time for my totally-incredible-so-awesome-I-can’t-even-believe-it boyfriend. I make time to exercise most days. And I pray…

I’m pooped. I’m often overwhelmed and exhausted. I don’t get to enjoy the things that I love to enjoy as often as I would like to.

If this is where you would like to say, “Oh hey, Emily…in case you were unaware…that is life. We can’t all do everything and anything we want at any given moment.” And to this I would respond in agreement. But I’m not buying into your notion of not enough time, too much work to get done, too many things to be accomplished.

Someone once told me to be careful and not allow the pace that I keep up in graduate school to be the pace I keep forever. News flash: This is the pace I’ve always kept. I’m beginning to think I should invest my speed and drive elsewhere–like running–and let life be life. And be enjoyable. And be worth living.

I’m considering prolonging my graduation date. May 2013 is when it is currently scheduled. May 2014? Eeesh. That’s such a long time away…and so many people would say, “Just to get your Master’s degree!!? Shouldn’t you be called ‘doctor’ after that long?” And to this I would respond with a nice growl.

Are my hesitations those of pride? Cultural expectations? My own expectations? Or just the friction of going against the speed I have always known?

I am curious as to what lies in the peaceful moments. Peace? …That’s a brilliant idea.

I want to see these kinds of skies. I want to take photos. I want to bake. I want to play. I want to meditate. I want to practice yoga daily. I want to be still. I want to live.

Does that make me irresponsible? Some may say yes. 

I say no. I say it makes me wise. 

Living on speed does not a fulfilled, joyful, balanced, and peaceful life bring. (Especially if you’re living on the amphetamine kind…but that’s a different blog post.)

I leave you with two things:

…it’s just a thought.

#2: My happy song for this beautiful Sunday:

xxxoo, Emily