Spaghetti Mind & Word Vomit

Today began at 6:43am for me. It ended…about 40 minutes ago at approximately 9:44pm. It was not the most eventful day, but somehow or another was incredibly impactful.

This morning when I got up my first thought was…”Wow, 6:43am is still earlier than I’d like to be rolling out of bed.” Second thought, “I will lie down and rest in peace for you alone, Oh Lord, make me dwell in safety (Psalm 4:8).” You may be wondering why I would be thinking this as I was rising out of my bed…this is the only verse not from VBS that I have ever fully and easily memorized in my life. God has stuck it like glue to the walls of my brain…He knew I really needed it. Not only because I have bad dreams at night and wake up terrified, but also because of life. See in reality I am a big scardy cat. One of my friends from school would probably laugh at this. (Today she dubbed me a ‘fighter.’) Truth is…I’m fiesty. And playful. These two I will claim…blame it on the red. But a fighter…I don’t really think so. So when it comes time to face the unknown or just the difficult, God knew I needed some peace of mind. Which is why I started it in such a way this morning.

I proceeded to get ready, play with the pup a little, sit in traffic, then enjoyed a delicious Grande Vanilla Rooibos tea (courtesy of the delightful KJM), while listening to how much I am going to love my Counseling Systems and Interventions Prof. I mean she is legit a cool lady, and I can totally get on board with some old school, flat-out, coolness.

Then…

KJM, BB, and I went to put our stuff in prime seating for our next class (which we later discovered was the wrong classroom…goodbye primetime seating…oh well) and went downstairs to have some chow time. To our great surprise there was a PARTY going on in that basement! I think every RGU student was gathered down there! It was roaring. There was pizza, chips, coke, and more ‘community’ a girl could ever want.

For the next forty minutes I simply delighted in how awesome God is for putting me in such an incredible place. I mean…I seriously love those people. The level of communication is far deeper than any other American’s average conversationing goes and…I can’t get enough. There are a great group of people (speaking of which…I discovered last semester that I need to expand my adjective/feeling words bucket) so…they are a phenomenal group of people. (That’s sort of better.)

We reluctantly went on to our next class where I sat slightly distracted for the next two hours. Distracted because entering through the doors of RGU make me become a ridiculously insightful and analytical person. (Even more so than normal.) I discovered in the past couple of days…or more so just put to words…that there are a couple of people that can really put a funk in my daily groove. (Funk is this context is not a good thing.) These few people that are extremely important to me seem to have a huge impact on thigs. When there is not a lot of communication I feel disconnected and alone. Instead of simply voicing this and saying “I’m hurt,” I get angry so as to avoid being rejected and feeling stupid. (I recognize this isn’t the healthiest pattern of behavior. I made no claim to that, this is simply how I currently respond…not to say this won’t change…when I am a healthier person one day.) So anyways, I was contemplating how this affects things and how my relationships in general affect me. How I allow them to affect me. And as much as I may not like it…I have found that I need a substantial amount from my relationships. Maybe it’s because I have strong emotions so I give a lot and desire the same in return…I don’t know, but either way I do. These are my expectations.

Expectations.

Isn’t it funny how such a little thing can get us into so much trouble? Ok…so it’s not all that funny a lot of times, but you gotta laugh at life, right?!

I won’t linger on this any longer except to say…be aware of what your expecations are of something. Know what you want, what you think is realistic, and what is fair. Don’t be ridiculous…but be fair to who you are and respectful of peoples’ differences with your expectations of them.

Now. Moving on. Then I went to see my client which I thoroughly enjoyed today. Being able to put a little of what I’m learning into practice is becoming more and more fun each time I do it.

Lastly, I went to my small group with a group of amazing women. This is one of my favorite parts about the week. We lost our leader about a month ago (due to her moving out of town) so we can go a little astray with our topics and ‘bible study,’ but I have found simply being with them adds so much enjoyment and peace to my life and takes away stress. (Side note: Guaranteed way to stress release…walk into a house of great friends with puffy eyes and wet cheeks and you’re sure to find some improvement.) They’re incredible. We’re reading The Raggamuffin Gospel right now and I would like to share a passage with you…whoever you may be tonight…It is sort of a long passage, but keep reading. You won’t be dissapointed.