Really real ramblings for your Thursday.

I need to let you in on a little secret. Sometimes I forget that you’re here. Sometimes–as odd as it may sound–I forget that I pour my heart out onto open pages on my computer and then publish them for all of you to see. 

So sometimes I might share too much (maybe), or be myself and forget you’re watching, or maybe I say something stupid that I should edit. I’m not really sure. My initial purpose when I began this blog was nonexistent. I enjoy writing. I had just graduated from college. I had free time on my hands. And I had nothing else to do. Truly. Those were my reasons. Oftentimes, I am unsure why you continue to stop by. 

However, I’ve always thought it hilariously bizarre, confusing, and frustrating to see people comment hateful things on someone’s instagram feed or note something inappropriate or rant about something they disagree with on another person’s blog…because well…this is the internet? If you don’t like what someone is posting why would you follow them or read what they have to say? You have a choice. 

All that digression to say that, at the beginning of this year I made it my personal, life-long, ultimate goal to live out the beauty and freedom I found in Christ last year. I no longer have a personal achievement to reach or an outline for what my career or relationships “should” look like in my life. [Yes, I still have goals, hopes, and dreams but they are all encapsulated under this one.] Ultimately, I simply want this to be my guiding rule: am I living out beauty and freedom in Christ?

Along with that I also made it a goal to inspire others to do the same. Brene Brown says that, “courage begets courage.” You cannot really give someone courage, they have to find the gumption to be courageous on their own. The same goes for being vulnerable, authentic, brave, liberated, beautiful. You cannot give these things to a friend wrapped in a box with a yellow ribbon tied on top.

No…the only way to spread courage, freedom, beauty, and authenticity is to do them. People can be beautiful and most people are. However, making them see that they’re beautiful…well that’s an entirely different story.

I realized that my purpose for this blog is simply an extension for my goal in life. Courage begets courage. Freedom begets freedom. Beauty begets beauty. 

I whole-wheartedly desire for the people I know…and all the ones that I do not…to know freedom from cultural constraints and chains of bondage in insecurity and fear. Goodness…aren’t we a culture of insecure, scared people? 

So as you read…and if you continue to do so…know that…this is me. The whole package. Sometimes I’m funny. Sometimes I’m stupid. Sometimes I comma splice or write their instead of there. Sometimes I pour my whole entire heart out onto the page and simply click “publish” without thinking. And sometimes I pour out my entire heart…wait a week…edit, cut, paste, delete, retype, get nervous…and then click publish. And I will always use an abundant amount of “….” –also, affectionately known among their punctuation amigos as ellipses. 

I will always be me. I will always be honest. In the beautiful, fun, happy seasons. And the dark, scary, depressing, ugly, and beautiful seasons. I won’t sugar coat it for you…because I do not believe you or I will benefit from that. I will continue to be courageous in what I share here on my little corner of the internet…and hope you will take a piece of courage and love with you as you go.

On that same note…just to prove how correct Brene Brown is because she’s smart…and I can. I was leading a group the other day of woman. many suffering from depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and/or attempts. It is a 75 minute group. We spent the first 45 minutes trying to bring the group to the real issues at hand: fear, insecurity, powerlessness, loss of control.

50 minutes in a new member decided to take a risk and get honest about her fear of coming in and sharing her ongoing thoughts of suicide…because it reveals her deep levels of shame, humiliation, powerlessness, insecurity, and fear.

It took approximately 7 minutes for the rest of the group to relate…and in moments 80% of the group was in tears commiserating over how scary these illnesses (and life in general) can be. They all shared about how they related to how she was feeling. 

The emotional shift in the room was palpable…and beautiful. What a brave and inspiring woman she was.

I have a friend at my internship that always makes comments about what I wear. It’s most likely because I refuse to conform to “traditional” office attire [read: I wear bright blue tights, fuscia skirts, red lip stick, and patterns…sometimes all at once.] She apparently has a friend who is a fashion blogger who did a piece where she wore a different outfit everyday for 45 days straight. 

She challenged me to do the same. I calculated that I have 35 actual days of internship until I am ready to graduate. So beginning Monday, until the end of internship, I will be taking her challenge and wearing a different outfit everyday. That’s 4-5 different outfits a week–of “professional attire.” I’m sure it is bound to be riveting. ::eye roll:: Tune back in as I will be documenting [per her demand]. 

This is my most favorite song these days…think I’m day dreaming of better days when someone is ‘having me live life as I should’?? 😉 [side note: please don’t allow the video to ruin the song for you. Put your own day dream to the lyrics. It’s so much better that way.] {Side note 2: This song is a lyrical enjoyment song not a complex, beautiful, high music quality song. No criticism from music buffs. I know already.}

So much love to you from me, friends!

Happy Weekend.