Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

Love from a Father that is so consuming, so freeing, so liberating, that life could never be the same.

It’s funny that my circumstances from last semester have not changed at all. In fact, any change that has occurred has probably been in the negative direction.

However, I’ve let go of what I thought life was about. What I thought I was living for. How I thought things should go. What I thought things should be life. I’ve let go of myself.

Instead I’ve accepted that my core, my human nature…is not good. Anything good that is within me comes from my Father. All the good that I want for my life comes from that same source; Him. So all of my hope, my rest, my joy, my contentment, my peace, my steadfast foundation through the chaos of life…comes from God. So I shall simply rest. In Him.

Circumstances cannot change the love I have been given. Problems cannot take away the forgiveness and grace I have been shown. Bad situations do not undermine the peace and joy I have been promised. I don’t have to try to get things perfect, I don’t have to have all the answers. I don’t need the answers.

It is interesting how easily we forget this. How often we desire for the unattainable ideal that is perfection.

Today I had two midterms. One of them we received our grades from immediately. The test was unpredictable to say the leas,t so grades were lower than normal for most students…and by low, I mean in the 80’s. Someone I know made a 92 and was very upset that her grade was not above a 96.

Why do we do this to ourselves? An 84 can crush your sense of self? Your identity is established by a grade on a test? Anything lower than the number 90 makes you less of a person?

I have only been in one graduate school before so I can not speak for everyone else, but I am finding that us counseling, Christian types are very much perfectionist types.

Does this make any sense to you?

First of all, we come from the group that believes we have been lovingly and undeservingly been forgiven for our wrong doings. Second, we recognize people’s imperfections and the existence of pain and evil in the world and acknowledge that as normal.

So why do we think we should be perfect? It’s pretty conceited, lofty, and narcissistic if you ask me.

I have let go of that notion and you know what I’ve found…life. My friend TG has discovered the same thing. Today…instead of whining and crying about our 82’s…we boasted about everything else we are enjoying in life right now (because isn’t that what it’s all about? Living?).

Perfection is unattainable. However…life. joy. happiness. peace. the confidence to give to/bless others because you have been given to/blessed, rest, security…these things–they’re attainable.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. “

Ephesians 2:8-10

Click. Love.

“So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. “

Galatians 5: 16-26

Click. Love. Inhale. Love. Exhale. Love. Live. Love.