“I’m actually just afraid of my mother.” AKA “Life is crazy.”

Quick catch up…

I started grad school in August at Richmont Graduate University(RGU) and I LOVE it. I love my classes, their subject matter. I love my professors. I love my classmates. I pretty much love everything about it. I’m still at home. Things are the same. I’m still working at Starbucks. AND…(pause for dramatic effect)…so is my sister. Lastly, Henry has grown to over 10 lbs. and is cuter than ever. And rascalier than ever. He has been pretty defiant…”marking” everything in our house as his. (We’re REALLY working on it.)

So…where did the crazy title come from you ask?

As you are going to quickly discover, my short time at RGU has already been very interesting. The counseling track came with a disclaimer: Warning: Self must be discovered. Two months in and I think we’re all discovering. Things about life, things about ourselves, things about the world, and of course…things about counseling we never knew. The other day one of my classmates and I were doing a project for one of our classes. She was talking about how “busy” she thought she was in undergrad and how untrue that seems now in relation to how busy grad school is. She asked me “Seriously…it’s like, what was I doing?” (And it’s true…don’t things all seem more intense in the moment?) We things are “so” bad or crazy or good or hard…until we get pushed to the next level or good or bad or hard, etc. She continued to say that she realized that she kept waiting for things to slow down in order to (fill in the blank with anything you’ve ever wished you could or would do.) She concluded that life is just crazy. Period. It’s always in motion. And it is. We’re always moving, always changing, always moving forward (or backwards depending on what’s going on it your life).

Someone very close to me recently told me (in more or less words) that they see absolutely no point in therapy. They said that (in their opinion) people know what’s wrong with them and don’t need a counselor to tell them what’s wrong with them. People use counseling as a crutch to get away with whatever they’re doing (or not doing). They told me bluntly, “Emily, people don’t change and you’re going to have to accept that.”

Isn’t that sad…? It was very sad to me. I (obviously) completely disagree. I think people change everyday. People change. Whether for good or bad. Whether intentionally or not. People change. People grow. Thank you Jesus for letting this be true! What if my 21 year old self was my 47 year old self? Now…granted…not everyone in the world changes. There are some 47 year olds in the world who may very well act like 21 year olds…but that’s a different soap box for a different day.

Anyways…people change. Life is busy. And yes…life is crazy! Yesterday on my way home from school I stopped by the gas station. On my way in I held the door open for the man walking in behind me. (No big deal, right!!?) On my way out, he went out of his way to get the door for me. In fact, he was walking back in the station as I was walking out and turned around and walked back out while saying “Let me return the favor.” He smiled and I smiled…until he looked at me and said “Actually I’m just scared of my mother.” He laughed…I laughed, but simultaneously cringed. Ha! I mean poor guy. It was a joke, but don’t most people joke about the things in their lives’ that are true and make them uncomfortable? So the man felt the need to tell some random girl that he was afraid of his mother so he was holding the door open for me. (Keep in mind…there was no mother around.) Isn’t it funny that he would tell ME that…before his own mother?

You say…I’m reading too much into it. Ok, maybe that’s true. But how many times is it untrue? Most people are dying for someone to listen to them. Not listen and wait for someone to give advice, put their two cents in, share what happened to them. Someone to truly hear what they are…and more importantly aren’t saying. So who do we talk to…?

I’m talking to a lot of really wonderful people. I have (already) found some incredible friends at RGU. I can honestly say I am finding friendships that will last for a very long time. I can’t say that this is the easiest time in my life…so I am SO thankful to be blessed with such a wonderful group of people. There are a couple who have in such a short time already left a mark on my heart.

Speaking of heart…I mentioned to one of my friends the other day that it was weird to me that she is 4 years older than me. She looked at me and said that it was weird to her that I was four years younger than her. She told me when she thought about me compared to other people my age it didn’t make sense. “You’re not like them,” she said.

So I am diving into my “old soul” that my mother has always told me I have. Discovering what’s deep inside. It’s weird…I think I have the soul of a an old woman and the heart of a little girl. Weird? I don’t know…seems to work for me. Well…it sort of works. (This is the part where the discovery of self comes in…through the help of really awesome friends, some really wise professors, and a really helpful therapist.)

Ladies and gentlemen…welcome to the journey.