17 Oct God restores.
The other night I posted a picture of my tear-stained face on Instagram. (Ok…so I had a teenage emo moment where it seemed like a good idea. There’s not judgment here, remember?)
It was a sad picture…my mom said it was depressing which I mentioned in one of my many “hashtags.” (Sidenote: If you haven’t watched this video of Jimmy Fallon and JT on #hasthtags you should. It’s hilarious. But dont’t take my word for it.) I quickly took it down as one of my good friends told me it was more of a bloggity blog style post when I sought feedback. He’s a smart guy…so I listened.
I was making a point.
You see I had spent the last few days posting pictures of things I am grateful for: sunsets, best friends, cuddles with pups, afternoon cups of coffee, cute nails, etc. Small things that make a big difference when your world seems to be breaking down. But that night…my heart was aching, per the usual these days, but I wanted to continue my days of being reminded of the good and you know how I hate not being authentic and real with you.
So…I figured out how to be grateful for the pain for a moment. For just a moment, I stood in the tension and said “thank you” for the pain. Not to be masochistic, but to acknowledge that I believe the pain will lead to something more beautiful. Now keep in mind that I can simultaneously hold that this belief: beauty comes from pain, hurts like hell and feels like bull shit at times. The two are not mutually exclusive…or maybe they are…I could never remember which term was the correct one in math class…(someone help me!) So let’s just say that one does not indicate the presence or lack of presence of the other.
Beauty from ashes? But who wants to be burned down ashes? I wrote a few weeks ago about princesses and fairy tales. Today I was pondering on all of the events that we forget happen between “Once upon a time…” and “…they lived happily ever after.”
Ariel had to fight a giant, raging, power-hungry, Octupus. Belle…well she had to live with an angry, ugly beast and talking dishware…and then fight a village. Mulan impersonated a man and fought as a soldier. Also…she had to hang out with boys. All day. Just sayin’. Battles here, people. Snow White was in a coma…though I tend to believe she got off the easiest. Sometimes I wish I could be in a coma for a little while and let the world move on without me. The whole prince charming waking me with a kiss thing though? That I can pass on because…home girl knew way too little about that man to be smoochin’ him and running off with him. Fairy tales.
As I pondered these things, these seemingly trivial things that I spend my brain power on daily, I thought of many of my other favorite movies. Oftentimes in “chick flicks,” there is a series of scenes in the middle of the movie right before the climax. There is always a great song playing and this tends to be my favorite part. It’s like an injection of happy. But right after…there’s the climax, some great force of pain, an insufferable twist, etc.
But before the credits role…there tends to be a sort of “happily ever after.” It’s not always what we want or expect. (Let’s be real…in Hollywood it usually is “happy” because that’s what we pain for.) We pay to be reminded of happy endings. That there is beauty from ashes. [Congratulations, Hollywood, amongst all of your stereotypes, cliches, immorality, sexist, and fowl humor you have done something well.]
“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the Lord
for the display of his splendor.
They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.
Strangers will shepherd your flocks;
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.
And you will be called priests of the Lord,
you will be named ministers of our God.
You will feed on the wealth of nations,
and in their riches you will boast.
Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.
“For I, the Lord, love justice;
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.
In my faithfulness I will reward my people
and make an everlasting covenant with them.
Their descendants will be known among the nations
and their offspring among the peoples.
All who see them will acknowledge
that they are a people the Lord has blessed.”
I delight greatly in the Lord;
my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
For as the soil makes the sprout come up
and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
and praise spring up before all nations.”
Isaiah 61
I know most of you won’t take the time to read all of that. If this weren’t my own blog I wouldn’t either. I don’t blame you. 160 characters or less, right? So… I’m going to tell you the abridged version:
God restores.
He rebuilds ancient ruins. He blesses and does something beautiful to the suffering. He takes away shame and replaces it with glory and richness.
For today…despite being pissed off at the pain. Despite my humanness that wants to sprint towards human comforts to do anything to rid my insides of this ache. Despite my flesh that believes this can never be worth it, I’ll never be beautiful, whole, or without shame again. Despite all of that…today I am grateful that beauty comes from ashes.
For today…I can look in the mirror at my tear-stained face, when my eyes look like I’ve been beaten by the mascara that has betrayed me, and say, “thank You for what you will do with this.”
Amen.
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