Fear & Love

“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.” 

{John Lennon}

This is going to sound completely cliche. It may seem so ridiculously obvious that you may not even believe me. I probably wouldn’t believe me if I had not experienced this first hand. 

I’ve been talking all month long about my fear of going upside down all month long. And we have all known that it wasn’t that I could not do something, but that I was simply afraid.

Yesterday, feeling lighter, better, wiser, and simply more confident, I was determined to nail a handstand. On a break I asked my instructor to help me. He has watched me all month long knowing the same thing I have–I’m afraid. He hasn’t worked much with me because there is not a whole lot you can do to convince someone to not be afraid. I knew what to do. But now something had changed.

Long story short…I ducking did it.

Yesterday I kicked up into not only handstand but also a freaking forearm balance! Two things I believed I would never do.

Now the power {of fear} is gone. The fear is gone, because I have now proven it wrong.

We watched a video yesterday on philosophy. It was excessive and convoluted in the way only philosophy can be. But there was a stream of thought we discussed in which the philosopher argues that all is illusion, there is no one reality–is there even is a reality. When you’re in a dreaming state your dreams are real because that is what is real in that moment and when you’re awake that is reality because it is what feels real to you in that moment.

In some ways I can relate to this idea involving fear. When you’re in a logical state of mind you know what is true of fear and what is not; what needs to be feared and what does not. But when met in the face with the feeling of fear it isn’t quite so simple. Fear becomes reality and there is no arguing it. Fear is the reality.

It isn’t until we face the fear, sit with it, and stay with it that it loses it’s power. In some ways I felt like I was doing some serious Inception shit within myself yesterday. The roots of my “I can’ts” and fears going painfully deep.

Psychology Today says, “Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn’t feel it, we couldn’t protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are far from life-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason…exposing ourselves to our personal demons is the best way to move past them.”

There is something to be said for the dramatically cathartic experience I created for myself on Sunday. It was just that…exposing and shedding personal demons. 

There is little logic in fear and in love–two emotions that I find to both be incredibly exposing, charging, and debilitating all at the same time. We need both and we abuse both to encourage our broken states. 

John Lennon nails it…I want to be motivated by love, not fear. There are risks in both; risks of missing out, getting hurt, failing, being rejected, being alone, being thought stupid, being erratic etc. 

In a simple month of yoga training though, I can vouch for the fact that living in fear is no way of living at all. It causes shame, disappointment, discouragement, and feeds itself. 

A diet of fear does not lead to bravery.

I choose love. Again. Love for myself. And for you. For this moment. For today. 

And that is enough. 

I never claimed perfection. Just progress.