Bunny Hugs & Love Fluff

“Fight for us, O God, that we not drift numb and blind and foolish into vain and empty excitements. Life is too short, too precious, too painful to waste on worldly bubbles that burst. Heaven is too great, hell is too horrible, eternity is too long that we should putter around on the porch of eternity.” 

{John Piper}

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Remember when I did that video and said that I had public speaking opportunities? …well my first “big” one was this past Sunday.

It was crazy. 

And by crazy I mean marginally exciting, hopefully enlightening, and definitely fun. 😉 {Well…I may be using the definition of fun loosely here…but there are about 75 people you can inquire with for more precision.}

We talked about a variety of things: shame, fear, courage, sex, abuse, drugs, intimacy…etc. 

“Bold” was a word I heard multiple times. I think that had a lot to do with the fact that I used the words “oral sex” in a sanctuary–kind of bold now that I think about it in isolation. But the staff new it was coming–it was preapproved. [You have to do those kinds of things in churches sometimes, you know!? We don’t want to step on anyone’s toes and talk about things that might be too sensitive or too real life. People might be offended. (Different soapbox for a different day.)]

Bold. 

I think it’s a word I would like to define me.

It is not a word that I ever expected to define me…and, truly, at my inmost, human core I am not bold at all. In my humanness, I am fearful. In my humanness, I wake up afraid to face the world, judgement, and the possibility that I’m too broken to make it. 

Fortunately, I am not left there.

Last year, I wrote about love conquering on Easter. 

Last year, I wrote about Christians not “getting” this magnificent LOVE of Jesus all of the time. 

And this year I could just as easily write the same thing because we’re all still just as human. 

Last year, I wore new bright yellow jeans and a turquoise, lacy top and I ate lunch with my family. I sat next to my husband and we joked about how “orange” my family’s meals always are (casseroles usually equal some variety of the orange/yellow family). He joked until he had to leave to “go pick up a friend whose car had broken down.” (Read: he had to go do drugs.) He so desperately needed a fix that he could not even bring himself to make it through the meal. A couple of months later, my world would come crashing down on top of me.

Maybe you’re sick of hearing about this. Maybe you think I’m whining. 

Well…truth be told…I just could not care any less about what you think. (Not because I don’t love each and everyone of you; I do. It’s just not that important for me to need your approval. Nor you mine.)

Because–here is what I know–all my shame died on the cross that day so many years ago. And, unlike Jesus, it was not raised from the dead. 

Love really is all. When Paul wrote that, “…now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love,” what He meant was that the most important thing is love. {1 Corinthians 13}

Love of self. Love of God. Love of Jesus. Love of your neighbor. Love of your enemies. Love of people who have hurt you and wronged you. Love. Just love.

I was able to do Sunday because of this love. 

I think I talk about this a lot. I mean a lot. But every time I turn around it seems so many other people are missing it. People are hating others. Talking bad about others. Being crazy self-centered. Harboring resentment and bitterness towards others. Turning their back on friends.  And being outright stupid.

[Side bar: I do/have done all of the things above at some point or another. Simply because I am writing about them does not make me immune. In case you got lost for a second.]

Sunday I chose to let go of fear of judgement, fear of disapproval, fear of mockery, fear of shame, fear of abandonment…etc. The list could go on much longer than I can hold your attention.

My point is..I let all of that go…and although I am sure there is some flack bound to surface at some point…the most resounding feedback I have received is this:

YES. Finally, someone said it. YES. Thank you. I just want to connect to someone. You’re right. I am so not perfect. Thank you for just saying how imperfect YOU  are so that I am enabled to admit my flaws too.

We all want to know that we’re not the ugly duckling, or the failure, or the one who will never get picked.

Jesus ensured that abandonment, labels of “failure,” “outcast,” “loser,” and “hopeless” do not exist. 

You are beautiful. You are handsome. You are cherished. You are adored. You are imperfect. You will never be perfect. Shoot for the moon…but not perfection. You are going to fail. AND THAT IS OKAY. You will sin–but don’t make excuses. Keep love. Keep loving. Keep forgiving. Keep showing up.

We only get one life. 

Today I chose to spend parts of this life wasting time in anger and resentment. Other moments of it I chose self-pity and exhaustion. Even still…other moments, I held a precious child in my arms (even though she had hit, kicked, and pinched me hours before) and rocked her. I chose love. I chose forgiveness. I chose the greater good. I told her she was beautiful. When she asked unabashedly and shamelessly if I would put my arm around her and stroke her arm, I did. (Homegirl knew what she needed and asked for it. When was the last time you did that for yourself?)

Other moments I chose grace and I reached out to a friend who I wanted to check in with.

There are many moments in the day…each one wasted if not founded in love. 

If I don’t see you again before Sunday…Happy Day that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, the Savior of all, the Liberator from sin was Found Not in The Grave. He is Alive. He is in the business of redemption and forgiveness and reconstruction of masterpieces. May you rest in that today. And everyday hence forth. 

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“Love may, indeed, love the beloved when her beauty is lost: but not because it is lost. Love may forgive all infirmities and love still in spite of them: but Love cannot cease to will their removal. Love is more sensitive than hatred itself to every blemish in the beloved… Of all powers he forgives most, but he condones least: he is pleased with little, but demands all.”

{C. S. Lewis, “The Problem of Pain”}