A new beginning.

Tomorrow is my first unofficial day back to school. My second semester on the three year path to getting my Masters. I say unofficial because my official first day was last Monday…but you know, “Snowpocalypse 2011” dashed any hope of leaving the house, much less going downtown. As of two Sundays ago I was rather ready to begin anew and face the challenges that threatened to take me down last semester. Last week, as I retreated into winter hibernation mode again, I felt the anxiety slip back in. The doubts, the fears, the laziness, the stress, the simple will to want to do it began to fade. I took no notice of these feelings once I acknowledged their presence and simply sent them on their way. On the eve of my first day back to school I have an ironic (some readers may think this is not actually ironic by it’s definition…but this is my chosen wordage so…) ironic that I would like to have a send off to stress. I would simply like to say farewell, my long-time friend, I no longer wish to keep you around. So tonight I write…

You think I’m kidding don’t you? I just wrote a letter to stress. (I just wrote a letter to stress and I start back to school tomorrow…remind me of this when midterms arrive…they are really good friends with stress.) But I think it was essential for my well-being this semester. See everything I said is completely true. I think I have used stress and anxiety as comforts. Something to occupy my brain and my words. As if I don’t have one hundred, thousand other things that are more worthy of my time!!?

The thought struck me last week…as I was receiving approximately five too many emails form one of the assistants in one of my classes…I though, “Dang…Dr. ___ really cares. It sounds like they’ve already put in all the hours I will put in the entire semester.” I decided then and there that I should keep in mind that this is exactly where I am supposed to be. This is exactly what I want to learn about and love reading about. Putting forth the effort shouldn’t be very difficult especially in the company of such incredible and knowledgable professors and colleagues. This semester…I am a sponge.

This is the reason I’ve decided that stress is an unecessary accessory (my c’s and s’s look funny…maybe I’ve lost the ability to spell?) to my wardrobe this semester. I was so excited about begininning grad school and somewhere within the first two months I lost sight of what I was doing there.

I begin anew this semester with a fresh perspective…not to mention five full weeks of rest and play time under my belt. I have confidence that whatever happens I can get through grad school and it doesn’t have to be torturous. I am confident that God is with me and whatever I need equipping for and whenever I drop the ball and whenever I’m simply insufficient He will be there to do great things this semester.