03 Oct 10 steps to whole-heartedly living in freedom
I know…I jumped on the list train. It is kind of silly. But kind of awesome at the same time. Don’t judge me.
I’m interrupting your Friday to remind you of a few important things for your weekend. You need this. I promise.
I’ve talked a lot about seizing life, enjoying who you are to the max, and being free from fear and the chains that hold you back recently. Which is all truly awesome, except for when it sounds like a lot of crap, fluffy, hippie, unicorn-dreaming, yogis say. (And that may be part of it…but it is not the whole.) I haven’t written so explicitly about legalism (within religion) on here but it is one of the greatest chains I actively crawl out from underneath daily (shame and fear snuggled up pretty close behind) and because of your awesome bravery in sharing with me, I know I am not alone.
So…how exactly do we do this living whole-heartedly in freedom thing anyways?
I am so glad you asked.
[Step pre-1: Read all of Brene Brown’s books. Just trust me on this one. But if you don’t have time for that here are a few other things that I believe are worthwhile.]
1. Identify what your fears are. What scares you? What makes you shrink back and hide from the world? Shame? Fear of rejection? Snakes? Fear of failure? Fear of actually succeeding? Name it.
2. Contrast those fears with reality/truth. What is the worst that could happen? You get rejected? Ok, so then you move on. What is your root of shame? What are the lies that are holding shame in place? What is the truth surrounding those lies? Write them down.
You are beautiful.
You are loved.
The God who created the universe calls you His.
He finds you magnificent.
He created a good and purposeful path for you.
There is meaning.
You have meaning.
You are safe.
You are cared for.
Chances are, if you’re reading this then the possibility of snakes hurting you is very slim. And if there is a large possibility for you to deal with snakes, you probably are in an area/culture where you know what to do. So minimal threat; carry on.
Start there.
3. Breathe. This could mean planting your feet on the ground and taking a few deep inhales and exhales through your nose. It could mean dusting off your cushion, getting comfy, and meditating for twenty minutes. Or it could just mean rolling down your car window as you drive and inhaling the fresh (albeit exhaust filled, but so damn fresh!) air into your lungs. Your breath connects you to this moment, this one moment. And it is only within this one moment that there is life. So become aware of it. Make this a daily, moment-to-moment practice.
4. Stay Present. We all have crap that sits in our past and threatens to take our power away from us; that is never going to change. What can change is the power you are willing to give and/or take from your past. You choose. Either you allow your past to dictate your present by…maybe staying in an unhealthy emotional place, choosing bitterness, resentment, or tunnel vision filled with an “if-only” mindset that will never move or you put your big person undergarments (is that PC?) and you learn from it.
There are lessons in every poor circumstance. You choose whether or not to find them.
5. Stay Present. Oh, did I mention that already? This includes future-tripping. Don’t do it. The what-ifs are not your friend. They absolutely do not love you and, despite what you may believe, will not keep you warm at night. You can no more control the future than you can control whether or not gravity will work today. So be wise, be smart, plan when necessary…but find the moment, enjoy it, and stay here. This. is. life.
{Living whole-heartedly in freedom does not necessarily imply that you uproot your life to find happy. No. It is finding happy now, in whatever circumstances you are looking at. Maybe you can and need a life upheaval. Great! You are brave and courageous, go for it! But it is not a requirement to breaking free of emotional bonds.}
6. Make a list. I know, I know. You will most likely never take the time to do this, but if you do…it could change everything.
List one: What do you want to be remembered for when you die? Morbid, maybe. Perspective giving? Certainly. What do you want them to say about you? What words will be used when remembering you?
A pastor in 2010 asked us to do this at a conference. He said to name just seven words that you want to be known for when you’re gone. What are they? Could you identify them? [Side note: This shit ain’t easy.]
List two: What are five words your friends would use to describe you now?
Maybe have some real conversations with your closest friends. If they are true friends then they will be able to be honest with you and where your rough edges lie. {If you realize you have no brutally honest, true to your toes friendships…start at number 1.)
7. Own it. Sometimes this is the hardest part. Now you have a lot of information to work with. You have identified your fears, confronted lies, become aware of truths you are probably not living out, acknowledged your past, know the lies that you are living from and what they look like as characteristics, and, finally, know where you want to go, who you want to be. Own that–like a boss.
It is equal parts terrifying and liberating to realize that you do not have to live in emotional bondage any longer.
8. Be gracious to yourself. They say it takes 30 days to form a new habit so as you begin to exercise your wings of freedom, know that it takes time. Forgive yourself for ways that you are shaming yourself, for mistakes you’ve made, or risks you did not take. Let it go. It is okay.
9. Know that all steps count. Begin by taking small steps. Plaster your room in post-its filled with motivating and encouraging truths.
“You will be better liked if you’re happier.” does not count. You do not need to live for the happiness or fulfillment of others. Just for your own happiness and fulfillment.
“Today, I will find happy.”
“I am brave.”
“Risks are scary but I will take them because I am courageous.”
“I owe myself the right to be true to my own heart.”
“I owe no one else an explanation for who I am.”
“I will set healthy boundaries and hold them because I am worth it.”
[9.5 Set healthy boundaries.] Many times people do not know what a boundary is, much less how to set them. Boundaries are your limits: spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, etc. If you know that you cannot fill more than 45 hours of your week with work without detracting from important family time, then you must say “no” when asked to take on an extra project. Or if your boundary is to not have conversations with someone who is shouting with you, then you have the right to voice that boundary and hang up the phone or walk away when confronted with such behavior.
Of course, I am extremely watering down this topic that books have been written on, but there are better times and places for that conversation than here. Here are two good articles to get you started.]
Cut back on your caffeine intake. Put down the remote control and pick up a book. Go for a walk. Turn your phone off for 10 mins. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself you like you everyday–multiple times a day. And work on meaning it if you don’t yet.
10. Move your bloomin’ arse & Open you heart. Yes. In the end, Huff Post and I could publish 1,000,000,000 articles with the same simple ten steps to finding liberation. Brene Brown could come have tea with you in your living room to personally encourage you…but only you can make the choices that matter.
Maybe you need a counselor to help you wade through the emotional currents. Maybe a great group of friends will do the trick. Maybe support groups or a weekly yoga class.
Whatever it is…go. And go with an open heart. Open mind. Open spirit. Be ready to receive the magnificent repercussions of loving you well.
Hugs. Have a liberated and happy weekend!
xxxoo
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