A Night for Confessions.

I’m a hypocrite.

Yeah, yeah…big deal? …It IS a big deal.

I think I have posted about when I helped lead the girls camp this past summer with Body. Beauty. Bravery. …Well in case I didn’t Body. Beauty. Bravery is an organization led by a woman I know. She educates girls, boys, men, and women about the truth of beauty and the lies our culture clings too. She does seminars, camps, presentations, etc. on what it means to be beautiful…to both Christian and secular crowds. She started this organization when she began working with women with serious eating disorders and noticed she was hearing the same bs from her Christian friends (who believe to be made in God’s image…?). Anyways. I helped conduct this camp and I know I have vented about small children discussing their bodies and saying disgusting things like “they’re fat” at the sad age of eight.

So…do you get it? I have a big issue with people not loving themselves. I think God created each of us to be unique and special and in different shapes and colors. The world would be so sad and taupe if we were all identical. I think that our culture values the fake and rarely attainable far too much. I think that food is to be enjoyed. So is wine. I say “Eat. Drink. And please…BE MERRY.” I don’t think breasts are only supposed to be one size or one shape or “perfect,” whatever that means. I believe some people have more muscles, some have smaller bones, some have bigger, bones, some have big noses, some have more hair, some have thin hair, some don’t have hair…my point is: We were created to be different. We are another piece in God’s magnificent masterpiece. I mean God imagined and formed both a gnat…and a buffalo. A lady bug and a flamingo. A cheetah and an elephant.

Now I can’t say that I have the ability to speak to animals, nor do I know their innermost thoughts…but I have never seen a ladybug trying to be pink like a flamingo…or a cheetah attempting to grow a trunk like an elephant. Each is uniquely beautiful and delicate and perfect.

So why is it so hard for people to love uniqueness?

The culture we have created for ourselves is an interesting one because it is one where we whole-heartedly strive to be both a different individual and someone who is collectively ‘cool’ like everyone else. But why? (I’m not going into the answer to that one tonight.)

But…I believe all of this so how am I a hypocrite?

…Because I obsess and complain nonsensically just like the people that drive me crazy. I don’t accept and believe these things for me. (I know…the power of our tricky human brains.) I mentioned the other night that I had a huge food baby. The thought is humorous…but when it’s been a rather large topic since I returned home from my trip…that is truly annoying. (Even to myself! I keep telling my brain and my mouth to shut up, but it hasn’t worked.

My poor boyfriend is completely fed up with me I’m sure…as he rightfully should be. I suck. How could a person who is so passionate about others seeing themselves and appreciating that which their Creator made them with…be one of the people she dislikes?

I don’t know. Well…insecurity? Yep. I’d say that probably sums it up.

So my confession does nothing except to out myself and put my fault more readily in the light. However, it comes with a promise: A promise to my intensely creative Maker, my bf, my family, my friends, and those I come in contact with knowingly or otherwise. I will try to break these bad habits.