great expectations

This semester I am taking a class focused on Group Counseling. One of the most powerful strengths (I know, strength=power, power=strength…seems like it doesn’t make sense, but it does. Group counseling has a lot of strengths) is that it uses universality to normalize what people are going through. Please take note that I said normalize, not trivialize. 

This was evidenced rather quickly in the first week of class when a ‘demo group’ was put together. In a matter of minutes a group of seven women were discussing the hypothetical woes of being a first semester graduate student. However, after a few minutes they were all collaborating and comparing their feelings that, while each had a unique twist, were all incredibly similar. 

This week it was the same thing: 7 women. 1 (male) leader. 23 pairs of eyes watching, waiting to see what would unfold. The first few minutes were silent. ::shifty eyes:: no one spoke. We all wanted guidance. What specifically do you want us to talk about? What are your expectations for this group? Are we a support group for a specific class? Life in general? What does life mean? …The answer: yes. He simply wanted us to talk. 

After we finally found some momentum we stammered our way to a topic that was surprising for where it began. Expectations. Fear. Anxiety. About what, you may ask? Careers. And Mom-dom The discussion centered around how big of a commitment (emotionally, mentally, financially, physically) going to graduate school is. The fear is…what if this isn’t really what I want to do? What if I am supposed to do something else? What if I get out of school and then want to be a mother? What if I want to be a stay-at-home mom? Will society be okay with that? What if I decide I want to go back into sales? Is this a waste?

In our group there was a split: two older women (beginning their second career) and a few younger women (beginning their first)..all concerned with what was expected of them and if they would get it right. We were all very different and yet concerned with the same issues. Doing the right thing. Getting it right. Picking the right option.

This idea of choices and expectations. Who’s matter? Who’s are correct? Which is the right one? Where do they come from? And if you mess up, who do you fail? Yourself? Others? Whether you succeed or fail…who could possibly understand your situation, your problem, your fears, etc.

It just keeps coming up. (Last week’s message at NPCC on the uncommon denominator…we all deal with the same problems.)

When we are young we have HUGE expectations for ourselves. Have you ever asked a four year old what they want to be when they grow up? A Teacher. An Astronaut. A Doctor. A Lawyer. A Pilot. 

When does the line of having great expectations…and the options available for them to become feasible…become a burden? A sense that if you don’t get it right the first time you fail? 

To top it all off, we permit ourselves to believe that we are the only one with said expectations and fears and concerns.

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to us all.” 1

“I’ll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.” 2

“For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like.” 4

Have you ever noticed that the bible includes orgies? The bible says “orgy.” Who ever said the bible was just a boring, old text? It not only says orgy, but says that as human beings we are inclined to such behavior. And are inclined to ‘fits of rage.’ Ever found yourself in the middle of one of those babies? Because I have no idea what a fit of rage would even look like, of course. That’s absurd. You can fill me in if you have the slightest idea what he’s referring to.

Our lives are filled with choices. Options. Chances. Moments. Some small…like what color shirt you will wear today. And some big…as in what career path you will invest all of your time and money in. 

Each moment and each option is filled with great potential. Potential for the best experience or idea you will ever have. Potential to destroy your life. Sometimes you are going to choose wrong. Other times you are going to choose so right that nothing in the world could stop you.

And all the while, others are making their own choices, creating their own realities. Winning and losing. (Unless you’re Charlie Sheen, of course.) So do yourself a favor…don’t live with your good seasons or your bad seasons alone. 

Life is meant to be shared.  Life is easier shared. Don’t take my word for it, test it. (Remember one of the most powerful strengths of group counseling…isn’t sitting in misery with others. It’s experiencing community and sharing with others who understand.)

And at the end of the day, life continues turning. Whether your great expectations for your life and yourself are exceeded or completely destroyed. Live it. Love it. Do it big. Or small, if you prefer.

But live.