04 Oct #4: discover things you didn’t know about yourself
A few weeks ago the boy and I had a couple of crazy weeks and had cancelled multiple attempts to have a movie date. So instead of waiting for another week to roll around we decided to meet in the middle of the week for a late night movie.
Since he is a quite a bit more legit than I am he couldn’t make it back home from Atlanta for dinner and a movie….because he has a big kid job and must get things done.
But I had been at school all day and was hungry and didn’t want candy for dinner (which is a shocking, rarity I know) so…I did it. I took the plunge.
I walked into a little pizza place that I had been wanting to visit and when she asked, “How many?”
I almost cringed as I said… “Just one.” Yes, I had to throw in the “just” as if I were some shame of society for daring to go out to a restaurant and eat all. by. my. self.
I sort of cheated though, my laptop kept me company.
But I learned a lot about me while I was sitting there all by myself. Thoughts flew through my mind wondering what the waitress thought about me; sitting there all by myself with the audacity to order both a meal and a salad when I’m eating alone. Who does that? Aren’t you supposed to eat really quickly and leave as fast as you can with your head hung really low when you’re eating alone?
I didn’t. I enjoyed my meal. I enjoyed it while leisurely reading and doing work.
I’ll be honest though…my heart leaped when the boy walked through the door right before it was time to leave. At least then my waitress knew that it was an option for me to eat with someone else. I truly wanted her to know that I wasn’t being forced to eat by myself because I didn’t have any friends, but because I chose to eat alone.
Why did it matter? I don’t know. Have you ever cared what others thought about you?
I discovered that night that, although I can survive eating by myself and might have even enjoyed it…it wasn’t my favorite. I like people. I enjoy spending time with others. But not too many others. You put me with too many other people and I shrink back, I get overwhelmed.
The important thing is that I know this.
I have a very wise friend who while I was considering changing my pace of life, she strongly advocated what I was considering and told me to enjoy it. She advised me to learn something new about myself. She laughed as she told me in the past months she had realized she does not like cook outs. Go figure…I mean, I get it…sweating profusely while trying to act cool and eat your food on your lap or maybe with one hand all the while trying to not get eaten by mosquito and protect your own food from being attacked by bugs. I don’t have anything against cook outs…but I get it.
So since I have changed my pace of life and tried to get to know myself better, I have discovered a lot about me. Here’s a few things I know…
a. Overt, outrageous displays of manly bonding (typically displayed at sporting events in the form of chest pumps, butt slaps, etc) make me uncomfortable.
b. Swimming isn’t really my favorite.
c. I prefer mountains to beach.
d. I’ve watched my brother and sister play baseball and softball for my entire life, but while at a Braves game I realized…I don’t really like baseball. True story…sorry Braves fans…and sports fans, in general.
That’s all for now.
Dear twenty-something-year-old…learn something new about yourself on a regular basis.
It’s more fun.
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