#5: pay attention

Have you ever been sitting in a drive through line? Of course you have…this time though, you’re probably in a hurry. Maybe late for work. You thought, “There’s only one car in line, I’ll be alright.” 

But after 30 seconds the car still sits. Then a minute. Then two. After thirty seconds pass, of course you’re probably already annoyed at this woman (presumably a woman because in this scenario you’re at Starbucks and men=coffee, espresso, latte, pretty simple…women=complicated…nonfat…light foam…oh! oh! and I forgot to tell you no whip! …and women they bring the kids. Don’t take this as my bashing on women as I am one, love them, and respect them, but for this instance…it just makes more sense. Anyways…)

As you not-so-patiently wait this woman seems to have thirty kids in her car…and of course, the all want frappucinos. You want to back out of the drive through, but it’s too late–you’ve already been pinned in by the guy behind you who will inevitably order a speedy quad espresso and be about his business. Meanwhile you’re stuck behind “Quad venti decaf whole milk 1 pump mocha extra dry all foam caramel macchiato” lady and her kids. 

You’re head begins to swell, your heart rate increases, you begin perspiring at the thought that this lady would have the audacity to come through the drive through with her thirty kids and crazy drink and take, what you’re convinced is now, thirty minutes!!!

Never happened to you? …Fine, must just be me and my Starbucks addiction I had to break due to precisely incidences like these. Alright, I’m kidding. I didn’t break it because of these incidences, but I did break it.

You think this story is about the mom in the SUV in front of you, don’t you?

Well…it’s actually about both of you. You should have known you were in a hurry and didn’t have time to stop for anything (tisk, tisk…it’s the crack in the coffee’s fault, I know. I don’t hold you responsible.) and also the lady in front of you for being unaware that drive throughs are intended to be speedy so when she takes five minutes to order it sort of defeats the purpose for the other ten people in line (and doesn’t make the store/restaurant look too spectacular either). 

Are you wondering what all of this has to do with being a twenty-something-year-old?

Awareness. According to Merriam-Webster is having or showing realization, perception, or knowledge.

Yesterday, I talked about learning  new things about yourself that you didn’t previously know. Today, I’m extending this exploration and letting you in on a huge secret that will change your whole life!

Wait for it…

ready…?

self-awareness.

shhhhh.

I know…it’s kind of scary. Well it’s only scary if you know what it entails.

It is….An awareness of one’s own personality or individuality or (since I like to be thorough) it’s having or showing realization, perception, or knowledge of one’s own personality or individuality.

Self-awareness in more than just knowing things that you like or don’t like. It is knowing yourself, knowing your heart, your inclinations, your feelings, your thoughts, your triggers, what has a strong impact on your heart strings, what scares you, etc. 

This takes some serious introspection and comes only at the cost of digging into all the darkest corners of your deepest closets. 

As a future therapist this came not by my choice. It was forced upon me and I was dragged into introspection by my heels, kicking, screaming, and arms flailing. The good news…I survived. The bad news…it’s an ongoing process.

But hear me when I tell you that it has been worth it. I now know that the weird “wow…::star struck:: you’re-so-awesome-feeling” I get around really cool, honest, loving, and respectable older men is not because I’m creepy but because of the “lack” from the men in my life. I know that I’m pretty we’ll say insecure (because really…who’s not?) and hide in order to not get hurt (I know…no one else does this. I’ve discovered I’m a freak.). I know that I see this insecurity in other’s opinions of me so that I can pull back and not get hurt. I also know that I use anger as a way to hide from my true emotions that make me vulnerable.

True story. Sounds fun, huh? Not too mention that I laugh at inappropriate times and cry more than one should (when happy, sad, mad, laughing, etc.) 

I tell you all of this not to hang all of my laundry out on the virtual clothes line but to tell you it’s good. It’s good to not be controlled by your reactions to others and it’s good to know yourself so you don’t stomp around like a bridezilla pms-ing in need of chocolate but with no success, hurting people’s feelings and completely out of touch with yourself and those around you.

Know you.

Pay attention.

Pay attention to those around you and to yourself.

Don’t be a bridezilla.

Or a Godzilla.

That’s unpleasant.

#5: Pay attention…

Alanis Morissette’s road to self-awareness.