Wasted moments: Being friends with Pride.

11 Jan Wasted moments: Being friends with Pride.

This past Christmas (as in the one that was over just fifteenish days ago) was an odd one, to say the least.

It took an unexpected turn when a couple of weeks before the holiday arrived, we decided to go to San Antonio, TX for the entire week to spend it with his family.

His family, that is scattered across the country, was having a reunion of sorts over Christmas week and our original plans were to join the Wednesday after Christmas.

Long story short…we changed our plans, mostly in agreement and excited for the trip. (It was the right decision…)

However, at 3:30 am the morning we were to leave, I received some news I was not expecting from my husband. Something that was not so nearly as tragic as I acted like it was, but big enough that I felt I had the right to be upset…and then stay upset…and then proceed to stay upset…longer. I stayed, in fact, angry for so long that it wasn’t until almost 24 hours later that I decided to make up with my husband. After traveling fourteen hours in the same car as him and his mother and having dinner with his entire family.

Let’s all say it at once now…”Childish.” Ok, great. Now that we’re all on the same page.

Truth is that I had actually really been upset about not even being in the same state as my family for any of the 2/3 days surrounding Christmas…even though I was on board with the decision to travel being made and wanted to do that…I was still bitter. So I used this incident to release my pent up emotions on the entire situation. (Yes, childish.)

[Note to self: Emily stuffing down emotions is never a good idea. Other note to self: Keep working on assertive, healthy communication. Great.]

Regardless of whether or not I felt my emotions were deserved or right…I wasted a whole day of moments being pissed off, and for what?

I tell you this lovely story not so that the whole interweb world can know how prideful and self-righteous I can act…but so that I can confess and proclaim…it’s not worth it.

Saying “yes” to my pride (and selfishness) and “no” to grace, love, forgiveness, and mercy is never the good choice.

I am crawling with pride. Usually it’s the sneaky kind. The kind that allows me to continue feeling good about myself and “knowing” that I have not done anything wrong and the other part is easily completely to blame.

[Note: If ever you have the thought that you are not wrong at all and it is (insert person’s name here) fault entirely…that should be a red flag. Because 99.9% of the time, that is not so.]

I hate pride. It goes against all things that I want to be. Joyful. Gracious. Quick to forgive. Calm. Easy-going.

And it is guaranteed to be an intimacy breaker. Instantly…

…because you cannot (I repeat cannot) love someone well when you are only thinking of yourself.

And when intimacy is lost…then I found myself all alone in my “Right” corner of the universe. [At least I’m right, right?]

I never end up thinking, “Wow. I am so glad that I stayed bitter, upset, angry, prideful, self-righteous, etc. for so long. Man. I really showed them by isolating myself, withdrawing my love, and making two people miserable.” Never. When the walls come crashing down…I am guaranteed to have regrets.

So with this confession comes a proclamation: To less wasted moments.

In this life, when so little is guaranteed, I’d rather spend my time loving not hating.

Funny how quickly and easily one can forget this though.

Sometimes I feel as if my life is a constant replay of “Pride & Prejudice” …am I Elizabeth or Mr. Darcy? Is he prideful or am I? Am I mistaken or is he? Couldn’t we all just learn our lesson…once.

(And then spend the rest of the night kissing in the moonlight our reflections bouncing off the water below? …well…some of us anyways. [That is not advice.])

Here’s to Friday…
…and less wasted moments.