When you realize you’re something you don’t want to be

I’ve said before that I learn a lot from my kids in Waumba Land. Those little four year olds have some deep insight. They also have simple curriculum for young, developing minds, which is helpful for older, finished developing, still-needing-simple(r)-theology minds.

Sometimes I truly do not know if I am teaching myself or my kids. Last Sunday, our bible story was on the ten lepers that Jesus healed.

I googled images of leprosy…I wanted to know what it was that these ostracized people might look like underneath their full-coverage bandages. I began to wonder…would I help them? Would I check on them? Would I take them water or food? Would I pass by with downcast, averted eyes?

We all want to believe we would help. We would be the good Samaritan, yes?

I do not pretend to be a Bible scholar. I am not well-versed and all knowledgeable about…well, anything really. I have a certain skill set that is applicable to people, relationships, and living. My best “skills” per say are not something that I was taught by a book. I am not a really good athlete, or scientist, or photographer, or dancer…I have people skills. How’s that for a resume. Anyways…I profess to constantly and always be learning more about the Bible, the stories and truth within it, and what it means for my religion, beliefs, and relationship with God.

I do, however, know enough to know that…I do not often like the Pharisees in the Bible. These people who, unlike myself, were well versed in Jewish law. They knew the Law, the rules, and they stuck hard to following them. When Jesus enters the scene the Pharisees are usually the people trying to prove Jesus is wrong or trick him into a compromising position, showing He isn’t the Messiah. They were clicky, keeping to themselves, the “righteous,” and only those who were “righteous” as well. When Jesus ate with sinners and tax collectors, the despised of the culture, the Pharisees were baffled.

I do not usually go into this much Bible talk…but I say all of this to note that, in general, my reading of the Bible, tells me I do not want to be like them. I want to have a heart like Jesus: compassion, tender, merciful for all people, patient, and full of grace.

Today…my professor made a comment in passing about how he believes that prisoners are our current day lepers. Not a big deal until you consider that I had already been pondering which category I would fall into if I were a character in the Bible.

I would be a Pharisee…with averted eyes and a self-righteous heart. I would fit it and stick with my “righteous” crowd. I would have my moments of compassion…but a Pharisee I would be.

[Seems 2013 brings with it’s new year, a year of confession for me.]

I would like to tell you otherwise. I would like to believe otherwise of myself. But I would be deceiving myself. And I would be lying to you.

The capacity to believe good of myself and to turn a blind eye to my black spots is incredible. To protect my “safe” bubble…my self will go to outstanding lengths.

I am, in the world that I live in, the person who when I see prisoners picking up trash on the side of the road generally moves over a lane and moves on. I walk pass people on the street afraid they might say something to me. 

My compassion does not overflow.

So what’s a girl to do when you realize you’re a real-life Pharisee?

Begin visit prisons twice weekly and share the love of Jesus, obviously.

(Mom. Do not be concerned. I’m only kidding. I wouldn’t go alone. Clearly.)

But in a world filled with Pharisees, where is Jesus?

Note: You don’t have to be a Jesus-lover to hate hate and to love love. It’s “Christians” that act like Pharisees that have probably made you a Jesus-lover anyways. (I am sorry for those of us that do this.)

Truthfully though…open-heart surgery. A plead with God to rip open wide my heart until the sympathy, empathy, and compassion overwhelm me and bring me to my knees for all people…not just me…or “my” people.

I leave you with this…to whoever you are, wherever you are, and whatever you might be going through. I am sorry that you have been hurt. I know you have because we all have. The world is full of plain and simple brokenness. I am sorry that someone has thought they knew or understood you, and proceeded to judge you when they had no idea. I am sorry that person might have been me for whatever reason.

I wish you an overwhelming sense of being loved and accepted. Today. And tomorrow. And the next day.

“Life is a long lesson in humility.”

[James M. Barrie]