Pain: A frienemy to us all

When I was a youngster, I was intrigued by light bulbs. In the same way that I was unable to stop staring at the sun, I found the bright brilliance and warmth that radiated from this fun-shaped piece of glass completely enticing. Until one day, it hurt me. My small finger throbbed instantly, the “warmth” suddenly becoming a fierce burn, indicated by the red bubble quickly rising on my finger.

Needless to say…I never touched an {in use} light bulb ever again.

You see pain is a beautifully awful thing. It lets us know things are not good for us. If we didn’t feel the pain of fatigue, we could run until our bodies collapsed. If there was no indication by pain that our stomachs, backs, or brains hurt many of us would not take care of our bodies, eat all the foods that gave us indigestion or eventually caused heart failure, never drink enough fluids, and eventually crash and burn.

Physical pain gives us boundaries. We know when we’ve pushed things too far or if we have some more wriggle room.

Heart pains though, the kind of the emotional variety…well they just suck. And I believe that they are sometimes only meant to be reminders of our complete and utter humanness. Which, if you’ve been human for any length of time, you know that humanness is equated with brokenness. We are a broken people.

In reflecting on the state of pain in our world, someone sat quietly, looking off into space. Tears began filling their eyes, eyes that, despite their composed appearance announced the depth of pain they had endured early in their young life, and declared:

“Gosh…we are so wicked.”

And we are. Driven by our fears and insecurities, we inflict constant pain on one another. The Dalai Lama says that, “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.” Oh what kind and gentle words. And true words.

The other day someone was defensively arguing that my words did not make any sense. He told me that the matter on which I was speaking was black and white and I was attempting to make it gray. We already know that I disagree with the whole black and white argument. I think I’ve made that pretty clear…life is gray, people. (And apparently so is the spelling for the color grey…just saying.) I simply wonder though, why do we deny the imperfections of this world? Why do we pretend that there are clear and simple “rules” to live by?

I guess I know the answer already…it makes us feel more secure. In a world where miscarriages happen, addiction is rampant, sex trafficking is a real, huge problem, people starve to death, people live under bridges, best friends betray one another, and parents abandon their babies…one has to wonder how we could deny the pain?  The reality that our world is broken beyond human repair?

To function. That is my humble guess. As I take survey of the pain I have experienced in the past few months, I can recognize that is has been to function and survive that I have been forced to detach and figure out how to pretend like I live in a world that makes sense.

But the reality is…it doesn’t. My world does not make sense. Things are not as they need to or should be. Neither are the worlds of many living around me. And as I step back and look at the big picture, before my eyes have time to focus, I already know…chaos, gray, messiness, that is the reality of our world.

When this is the reality…what other answer is there than to live compassionately and with love? Plato instructs us to “be kind” …for every person you meet is fighting a great battle. Yes. Because despite the reality that everyday our world is threatened but not demolished….that “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed” (2 Cor. 4:8-9)…life carries on. 

[This is where I insert Jesus and the hope that He is…”So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day” (v. 16), but that’s for a different day.]

We all know pain. We are all acutely aware of our suffering and selfishly unaware of others’ around us. But what if we could, just for a day, acknowledge not only our own pain and brokenness, but that of others as well. To look people in the eyes as you pass and somehow muster up a smile despite your own hurt–they may need it more than you. To not be in such a rush that you can sit with your youngster as they stubbornly attempt to tie their shoes–even though you have a meeting to get to. To let someone go first. To believe the person who inexplicably honked at you simply needed to get some frustration out on his horn–instead of believing  they have a personal vendetta against you. What if we let ourselves and one another off the hook a little…to admit our imperfections, our blemishes, and the fact that we simply don’t have it all together?

Wouldn’t life be just a little less painful if we were all a little more honest and a little more kinder?

…Food for thought…a warm chocolate chip cookie to chew on if you will.

Happy Friday, folks.


“Let the first act of every morning be to make the following resolve for the day:
I shall not fear anyone on Earth. 
I shall fear only God. 
I shall not bear ill will toward anyone. 
I shall not submit to injustice from anyone. 
I shall conquer untruth by truth. 
And in resisting untruth, I shall put up with all suffering.” 
{Gandhi}