Do we have to be good poker players to be good single people dating?

The other day a friend and I
were talking. We’re considering working on an exciting project
together and as he talked me through his thoughts, a eerily familiar
feeling crept up within me.

“He’s giving me all of his
information…” and even as the implications of this had yet to
become clear he said, “I am not a good poker player,” and I
understood why this felt so familiar.

He was doing what I do: laying out all of his cards, telling me his every possible game strategy.

I am still extremely grateful for his
putting words around something I have always known myself to do, but
not exactly known how to encapsulate it.

I don’t like BS. I just don’t. I want
you to know what I’m all about and I appreciate knowing what you’re all about.
If our “all abouts” don’t get along, I am okay with that—the
less time wasted figuring that out the better.

Does that sound jaded? Or just
extremely efficient?

At the core of this is, obviously, a
desire to be known and that is a great desire, but execution and
timing here are key…particularly when it comes to dating.

The other day with a different friend
in a different conversation,when I said, “he has just completely
thrown me all off my game,” my oh-so-loving friend said, “Emily,
what game? The game you don’t have?”

Ouch.

Truth bomb.

((abort. abort. we’ve been hit.))

It’s true. Minimal game (alright, fine.
disgustingly non-existent game) over here. And that has been (sort
of) intentional.

“I don’t want to play games!” I
have screamed multiple times! (Keep in mind that this is all
occurring in conversations with friends who are already saving for
college funds and during a season when I am officially on a time-out from
dating…yet still, somehow…these conversations arise…)

I don’t want to play games.

I don’t want handsome tall guy with the
glasses to wonder if “we’re doing this.” I want to be able to
say, “hey, I think you’re cute. I’d like to know you more.” And I
don’t want to screen shot all of his texts so that my [wiser, married]
girlfriends can help me interpret each word, deciphering if he is interested and/or
if he knows I am interested. (Side note: I have not personally done
this, but I hear it happens…occasionally.)

Cue friend wisdom(?): “giiiiirl, you
have to play the game.

It is a game. Whether you like it or
not.”

Dear cruel world, is this what is
happening? Are we all really walking around with our poker faces in place,
sunglasses on, hoodies up, and our cards shoved into our front pockets
to ensure you don’t know what I may or may not be about to play? Is
that where we are?

Tell me now, so I can quit while I am
ahead. No need to deal me any more cards, I am good just to watch.

Then the scene from Hitch sprints into
my brain. You know the one where Hitch is busted for helping get couples together. He goes to
the speed dating night where he explains what he actually does and why. “So women will get out of their own way and give great guys a fighting chance…” he explains. He retorts, “Does it ever occur to women that maybe a guy might like to have a plan, you know, because he’s nervous? He’s not sure that he could just walk up to you and you’d respond if he said “I like you.” “I like you.” “I like you!””

The girls respond: “Oh, yeah, that would be nice if men
did that,” while the men simultaneously say, “no, I’ve tried
that….that didn’t work.”

So do we be upfront and honest? Do we “play games” waiting to see what the next move is before we give too much away? Do we “let it all hang out?” (The answer to that one is no. Boundaries are important, people.)

So in this world where each encounter might mean nothing or everything what are we to do?

You could tuck yourself away in a hole and determinedly wait for that serendipitous encounter at the grocery store.

Or…you could surround yourself with sage wisdom, (read: people who have already done and survived the dating world–preferably well), enjoy exactly where you are (meaning: stop panicking, stop over-analyzing, be yourself completely and know it is absolutely enough), and then just be you and just do life. Go out into the world. Meet new people.

You don’t have to have a plan. 
You just have to live.

Trust that God has it.
Trust that you’re allowed to play a few cards (even if he/she hasn’t yet).
Trust that the leap will be worth the fall.
Believe that sometimes making a fool of yourself is absolutely worth it even when there is no reward.
Know that not going “all in” right off the bat is okay.
And being honest with who you are is okay too. (There is a difference between sharing who you are and sharing every detail of your story.)

Trust that while you’re working on you, enjoying your fabulous life to the utmost, meeting friends, and breathing in the richness of life…God’s got it. Whatever happens next. 

You in?