the responsibility of growth

“The problem with being a person who
values self-discovery and growth is that you lose your ‘excuse’ to
behave childish and poorly with those in your life who are still
childish and do not value growth as you do.”

I heard myself say it and immediately
recoiled with a humph, “Well, damn. There go all of your own
excuses, Emily.”

It is something that I have known for a
long time now; this isn’t a new thought. 

The more emotionally
intelligent I become, the more painstakingly aware I am of my
shrinking legitimate excuses.

When you know better you know better.

It’s pretty simple…in theory.

Emotional intelligence is that ability
to recognize and name both your own and others’ feelings. It is being
able to discriminate anger from shame, envy from hatred, and then
knowing what to do with these emotions.

Sometimes we are taught that we have no
control over our emotions and are allowed to let them dictate our
lives. Sometimes we are not directly taught anything about our
emotions, but the implied messages we receive tell us that our
emotions are invalid and inappropriate so we must figure out how to not have them.

Cue: adulthood. Where {too often} 

children live in full grown bodies. 

It’s infuriating really. There
should be an Adult Card. You should have to carry a special license
to be considered an adult, pass a series of maturity tests, and only
be granted access to adult life when you’ve chose to become
an emotional adult.

Good
thing no one left me in charge.

But here’s the deal: sometimes we know
the right thing to do, the mature, the socially advanced, the wise
thing to do, but our emotions get all up in our faces and tell us to
“go give them a piece of our minds” and “teach them a lesson.”
Hmph. 

Because deep down I think we genuinely want people to know there is a better way for their own sake (and residual positive effect on our lives wouldn’t hurt either.)

Sometimes there
seems to be this faulty expectation that because I am choosing to be
a mature, invested in self-discovery, and aware person that the
people around me should be as well.

Wrong.

The bad news: most people are content
just where they are as life has left them without pursuing new
wisdom, ideas, or beliefs.

The good news: the wiser you get the
less dictated you are by others actions.

What I want you to hear is this: your
enlightenment, your growth, your wisdom, or your maturity is not a
gavel to be used to slam down on those less enlightened, less grown,
less wise, and less mature than you. With growth comes a
responsibility: to use your wisdom and growth to the betterment of
yourself and those around you.

No one ever chose to look at things in
a new light or from a new perspective because you gave them a piece
of your mind well enough or because you yelled at them the most
eloquent lesson on being a kind person.

I often hear people say, “I’m tired of being the adult. I want
::insert the thorn in your side’s name here:: to take some
responsibility. I don’t want to take the high road anymore. It’s not
fair.”

Well,
no, it is not fair, but you did not choose fair. You chose to better
your life by growing your brain, flexing your wisdom muscles, and
pursuing growth as a way of living.

It’s
not fair, but don’t you think you’re getting the better end of the
deal?

People
are as people are. You have absolutely no control over others. {And
do you want it, really? ick.}

You
are brilliant. Setting personal growth and accountability as a way of
living isn’t about others and what they are or are not doing.
Sometimes people are loose cannons. Sometimes people find their
stability and security in the world by creating havoc and chaos for
those around them. Sometimes people are perfectly content to be dictated
by their faulty emotions or beliefs. It is not your job to try to
change and educate those who do not have any interest in change or
education.

It’s
your job to use your wisdom, brilliance, and knowledge to demonstrate
a better way.

Yep,
walk your talk people…it will change the world.

Peace,
love, and hippie hugs, party people, carry on with your awesome
selves.

“Most people don’t grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging.” 

{Maya Angelou}