“Fight Love”

Well, it’s been a while since I gave myself the luxury of sitting down to write. It’s been chaotic and busy over in my little space that I occupy in the world. More on that later…

For now, let’s talk about sex, baby. 

Yes. I am kidding.

Let’s talk about something that is sometimes confused with sex: love. 

If I were cooler I would start this off with a segment of four-year-olds telling you their responses to, 

“What is love?“

Some would just giggle, some would say it was icky, some would say it’s giving your m&ms to your friend, some would say it’s holding hands, someone would say it’s what mommies and daddies do, and one, I’m sure at least one, would say it rainbows, unicorns, and butterflies around your head. (Don’t ask me who that one would be because I do not know her.)

But, alas…I’m not that cool.

Instead, I’m just a girl who’s been married for one month and fourteen days. 

Clueless may be my middle name.

David Schnarch says in one of his books, “The only thing that can prepare you for marriage, is marriage.” The accuracy of this statement is humorous, laughable even. 

Remember when I told you that I was a pretender? Well, nothing has changed really. Now you can just add “good wife” to my list of pretend-ings.

[Before you stop listening to everything else I have to say because you’re such a good friend and want to tell me that you know I am such a great wife (because we’re great friends and all) you should read that post to understand that I’m not throwing myself under the bus per say, just being honest that I’m new at this and I’m being truthful about it.] 

I did a word study of the phrase “steadfast love” from the Bible this past semester and just like I discovered that the phrasing of those two words can never, alone, fully and adequately express the depth of their meaning, I feel “love” is simply an inadequate term. I think “love” needs more friends, like the word “snow” for Eskimos. “Love” needs 47 counterparts that fit every random, weird, bloated, freaky, romantic, rich, and deep situation we use it in.

Like: 

“battle” 

(or battlefield, if you’re Jordin Sparks)

“choice”

“companionship”

“courage”

“beauty”

“selflessness”

“sacrificial”

“thoughtful”

“hard”

“tough”

“work”

“playful”

“fun”

“frenzy-rific”

“mundane”

“exciting”

“isolating”

“scary”

“fierce”

“reckless”

“tumultuous”

“awesome”

“challenging”

“painful”

“heartbreaking”

“heartbreakingly-thrilling”

Maybe this does not resonate for you. Maybe it does. But I’ve read 1 Corinthians, I know the power of my God’s furious love for me. I can only try to grasp the uncanny expanse of his love for me.

And when I look at the fierceness of that love…the pouring out, the river of that love as it transcends, cascades, rushes, and thrashes through our human society…I cannot help but see all those other words going along with it in some way, shape, or form.

At it’s root though, it’s beautiful. 

The reason divorce happens and marriages “fail” is not because it “just didn’t work out.” No. It is not anymore complex. It is simply that we choose not to.

I have a few friends who openly and bravely talk about love and marriage and real life partnership and confess that it is work. Loving well is not an accident.

 Just a month and fourteen days into this life-long journey I can tell you that my Self. The Self that lies inside of me that acts solely to protect me, that only wants my best interest at the sake of all others, that needs me to be happy at any cost…she’s one powerful bitch. And she does not back down to much.

Except she has this thing for Jesus. He seems to deal well with her.

I write all this not to say that my marriage has been work…(for the record, I am incredibly happy. I love my husband immensely and happen to believe down to my toes that he is an incredibly honorable, brave, tender, and loving man.)…I just think someone needs to say it.

Whatever post-modern, subjective truth, self-power universe I find myself living in…I want to be a voice that in some small way acknowledges the over inclination to indifference and selfishness. 

LOVE…big love…true love…choice love…fight love…is a beautiful thing. It can move mountains. It can bring you to your knees in joy…or in gut-wrenching pain

…but it’s always beautiful.